Chaton's World

Comfort food on a cold winter's day, yum!!!

2009-12-11T14:59:00.004-05:00

I now understand the meaning of comfort food. Its texture soothes you. Its smell makes you feel good. And, its taste is like a warm embrace.

Today, it is blistery cold in Pittsburgh. With temperatures in the twenties accompanied by a brisk and steady wind, it feels like I have died and found myself in Alaska. Of course on this coldest day of the year I had a meeting downtown, which is located miles away from my office. And of course the building where my meeting was located did not have attached parking. So I found myself walking several blocks from the parking garage to the building. When I arrived at the meeting I was cold all of the way through. And even though I tend to eat a vegetable loaded, calorie managed somewhat bland diet. Today, was a little different.

At the end of my cold journey I found that the meeting organizers had ordered baked chicken, macaroni and cheese, mixed vegetables, salad, chocolate chip cookies, brownies, and corn bread. Normally I would have passed on the heartier fare and consumed just the salad. However, today, I loaded my plate with an assortment of goodies, including corn bread. The corn bread actually smelled and tasted a lot like pound cake. The calorie conscious, normal me, would have passed on that too. However, the frozen me consumed it with relish!

This food was ridiculously good. It was like wrapping myself in a warm blanket. It was what I wanted. It was what I needed. It did my soul, my stomach, and my body good. It comforted me in a way that my vegetable loaded, calorie managed somewhat bland diet would not have done.

I made a mental note though. I need wear my down coat so that I don't get so cold during my downtown walks and don't crave comfort food that badly. I can't afford to get comforted like this all winter. I won’t be able to fit my clothes!

High School Revelations...

2009-12-04T00:00:00.011-05:00

Recently I had a milestone high school reunion. There's really no point in stating the number. The only relevant point is that I had a reunion and it was enlightening.

Our reunion was attended by intellectuals, jocks, popular kids, and class clowns. I like to think of myself as undefinable. The truth is, I was a little of each of them. It didn't really matter though. In high school, everyone found a group with whom they identified.

The race issue complicated things a bit though. My high school had a small amount of Black students. Had we been born ten years later, race wouldn't have mattered as much. But at that time, it still did. All of the Black kids seemed to be a part of a majority group and also a part of a "Black only" group. It just turned out that way.

Either I was too naive to appreciate the differences or I am too old to remember. It doesn't matter now.

Either way, at the reunion, we were all united. We may have been Black or White. We may have been parents or childless. We may have been single, married, or divorced. We may have been happy with our careers, eternally optimistic, or disappointed. We may have lived an average life since graduation, a tragic life, or a spectacular life.

At the end of the day, regardless of our experiences, we were all just glad to be there. And, most of all, we were all Spartans!

Lessons learned from Tiger Woods…

2009-12-07T19:03:00.006-05:00

Tiger Woods has long been an example for an ideal golfer. He’s been shrewd, contained, and accurate. However, his recent transgressions also teach us a great deal about relationships. While the particulars don’t really matter to those who are not a partner in that marriage, we can glean lessons from the headlines.

1. It is rare for an affair to truly remain a secret.
2. Things concealed under cloak of darkness often explode when exposed to the light of day.
3. People who are scorned often respond violently, even the supposedly docile types.
4. Despite public objections to infidelity, a lot of people succumb to temptation, even those believed to be choir boy types.
5. Disrespect exacerbates the pain of a broken heart.
6. Common decency can prevent relationship problems and serve as a violence prevention tool.
7. Technology can expose secrets in the most embarrassing of ways and at the most inopportune times.
8. Golf clubs are useful for sport and as weapons.
9. The only thing worse than a lie is a bad lie.
10. Being famous means that you have no legitimate expectation of privacy, no matter how much you insist on it.

I hope that Tiger’s situation serves as a practical reminder to all who might consider cheating. Despite what they might think, they really cannot control the outcome. Whenever you are dealing with human emotions anything is possible…

(For a related article, check out, "Top Five Lessons from Cheaters That I Have Known and Loved", http://ezinearticles.com/?Top-Five-Lessons-Learned-From-Cheaters-That-I-Have-Known-and-Loved&id=829398)

Romantic lessons learned since high school...

2009-11-30T00:24:00.009-05:00

Whether you are thirteen or thirty falling in love feels the same--so does a broken heart. Age teaches us perspective, but we retain our feelings.

Regardless of when it happens, love is love. I am older and a little wiser, but the truth is, a passionate kiss feels the same on my sofa as it felt in the back hall of my high school. I remain scared, vulnerable, and hopelessly romantic. The prospect of love thrills me. And the experience of love soothes me.

My conversations with other women have taught me that I am not the only teenaged lover disguised as a grown up. Even though we are professionals, our decisions are often as likely to be motivated by romance as they are by raises.

Recently, I have witnessed the full romantic spectrum. I have listened to my friends brag about their wonderful boyfriends, witnessed a friend exchange vows with her new husband, and consoled someone who was crying because a guy that she believed in proved to be ordinary. I also listened to a high school classmate confide about how badly she wants a boyfriend. Other than the wedding, these stories could have been high school tales.

The heart is ageless. Even though we hoped that age would give us some sort of romantic armor, getting older doesn’t make us immune to emotions or to second guessing our decisions. We continue to question ourselves and our choices. Should we invest everything in a relationship? Is he playing hard to get or is he disinterested? Do I love him more than he loves me?

Despite the uncertainty, those of us who have been lucky enough to learn the right lessons, learn to appreciate the entire romantic experience. We develop an appreciation for the yin and the yang of it. We realize that we should take no aspect for granted. We appreciate the kisses, the passion and the tears. And even if we are alone, we know that love hasn’t abandoned us. We just have to open our eyes to find it again.

Hmm...perhaps we have learned something about love since high school.

Random thoughts of indulgence...

2009-11-26T13:53:00.004-05:00

There is something about White Cheddar Cheese Popcorn that makes me want to eat the entire bag. I could blame it on the manufacturer. I could blame it on a hard day’s work. I could blame it on any number of things. However, the truth is, I love white cheddar cheese because it doesn’t stain my braces. And, I love popcorn because it’s low fat. That love makes me eat more and more until I fill my stomach to capacity. Whatever low fat benefits exist are cancelled out by the quantities that I consume.

Today is Thanksgiving, which means that I will be eating more than I usually do. I am looking forward to it too. YUM!

I’ll be good tomorrow... :-)

Your life is my Prozac…

2009-11-13T17:40:00.003-05:00

Today, someone told me that my life helped to amuse them and to make things better, like Prozac.

The comment is pretty amusing. And, initially, I laughed just it off. My life can be pretty damned entertaining. Over the past month, I have been locked in a stairwell at work, changed my clothes in my car in order to ensure that I got a work out in, and have partied into the night. I also enjoyed an amazing, relaxing, and fulfilling, birthday. And those are simply the things that I’ll share in this blog.

Upon reflection, the comment is rather deep. It is a statement about the role that we all have on this planet. Frequently, people ponder the meaning of life, but it really is simple. We are here to help one another make it through the journey.

The person who called me her Prozac has been struggling lately. So, I am glad that my escapades can help lighten her load. In fact, let me stop writing and go create some more mischief. Surely, there are more people out that they I can amuse!

How Bill Cosby Taught Me How to Be a Good Writer...

2009-11-04T21:30:00.003-05:00

Tonight, PBS aired the awards show of “Bill Cosby: Mark Twain Prize”. It was amazing to watch. Bill Cosby has amassed a significant body of work and has inspired many other performers. I am inspired whenever I see someone honored. However, Cosby’s award show was particularly moving.

As part of the awards show they aired excerpts of Cosby’s comedy routines and of “The Cosby Show”. Those excerpt and were enjoyable and enlightening.
Cosby is a gifted comic. That’s undeniable. However, his true gift was in describing everyday life in a universal way. It defied age, race, and religion. It defied everything! It was just real.

Cosby has so skillfully described the common aspects of humanity. Being a kid, being a parent, and being someone trying to make it, are common experiences. Cosby shared his story plainly and without pretense. That's notable. However, it is even more noteworthy because Cosby came of age when circumstance could have jaded him. However, in spite of it all, he was able to identify the universal human experience. Amazing!

Cosby’s honesty and transparency made all of the difference. Seeing his life portrayed on screen reminded me that reflection and courage are the essence of good writing.

Thank you, Bill. I hope that one day I am half as good.

Love should make you act...

2009-11-03T16:06:00.005-05:00

The other day at the coffee shop I overheard people discussing a recent suicide. Apparently, a regular committed suicide in the most dramatic of ways. He shot himself.

The shop was abuzz. People were full of outrage and amazement. The cashier commented “he seemed fine to me.” Immediate suicides startle us, and it should. It’s unnatural. However, gradual suicides tend to escape our attention.

We observe people killing themselves softly and slowly over time, but we look the other way. We ignore evidence of their broken spirits and their lost hope. We observe them engaging in very harmful behavior, but we convince ourselves that we are doing the right thing by minding our own business.

Recently, a relative received a terminal cancer diagnosis. He learned that cancer had been eating away at his lungs, liver and brain for some time. Regrettably, the cancer killed him within two weeks. The disease got our attention because it demanded it. However, I know that there were other signs that we ignored.

We watched his quality of life decline steadily over the years. His belabored gait, poor dentition, and weight loss were all signs that could have motivated us to act. However, over the years, even though I knew about nicotine’s addictive properties, I judged him harshly for smoking instead of responding in love.

At the end, I did not blame him for his illness. My own illness taught me that illness has no respect of persons. What I deeply regretted was not trying to help.

We might not have saved him, but we could have made his days better. If I have learned one lesson, I pray that I have learned to love my family and friends a little better. That will make all of the difference.

“I am what I wear and how I dress…”

2009-10-26T18:45:00.004-04:00

"So forget the inner me , observe the outer... I am what I wear and how I dress." (Amneris, "Aida")

What you choose to wear communicates a message. It can tell the world if you are happy, sad, conservative, or looking for a date. There also certain fashion milestones for women that announce to the world your stage of life.

Often the first time that a girl wears sheer pantyhose or high heels indicates that she is no longer a little girl. The first time you are allowed to wear makeup out of the house or wear your hair down to a party are all signals to the world that you’re a young lady. A low cut blouse, a pair of tight jeans, and a mini skirt can tell the world that you are more than a nice young lady. You are a lady looking for a good time…

After college, life is often full of a series of predictable fashion choices. You have work clothes and play clothes. Often you continue to wear the same style until you look in the mirror one day and realize that your knees are no longer your best feature and your butt and breasts aren’t as high as they used to be.

Of course, anyone can wear whatever they like and can afford. However, even after college, certain fashion choices are like a right of passage.

For me, two fashion choices have represented “real womanhood”. They are mink coats and St. John suits. And even though I have been a practicing attorney for some time I haven’t felt quite read for St. John or for a mink coat.

It may seem silly. However, I have avoided buying those items because I have associated those items with being a woman “of a certain age”. I’m not sure what that certain age is it was just an age that I had not yet attained.

My decision not to buy those items has less to do with my actual age and more to do with how I see myself. For some reason, I thought that I had more living to be before I had earned the right to wear those things. Also, I have always associated those two things with things that my mother and women of similar achievement would wear.

Lately, I have second guessed those choices. St. John has designed some cutting edged things lately. I just ordered a suit on-line last week. Assuming I like it on me as much as I liked it on-line, I will have become a “St. John girl”. Also, a friend offered to let me purchase a vintage full length mink coat at a discount.

When I tried on the coat, I didn’t feel matronly. I felt glamorous and beautiful. The coat fit me. And although I didn’t buy it, I could finally see myself as someone who owned a full length mink. Despite my new views about St. John and mink coats, I still don’t feel like I am in the league of my mother and those other accomplished women. I suppose that makes sense though. Being grown up has more to do with how you feel than what you wear anyway.

Unlikely Friendships...

2009-10-09T21:08:00.005-04:00

Friendship is a funny thing. It frequently has no clear beginning and no clear end. Often the relationship evolves from acquaintance to friend without anyone realizing that the friendship threshold was crossed. Sometimes though, someone might consider you to be a friend without your knowledge.

The other day, I helped one of the workers in our building access resources to resolve a legal problem. I didn’t provide him with any legal advice. And I didn’t do anything all that special. However, he greatly appreciated my help. He thanked me after I gave him the information. Then, he smiled sincerely. He told me that he promised his family that he would obtain an answer because, “my friend is a lawyer.”

I was surprised that he had referred to me as a friend. I smile at him and chat with him when I see him. However, I always referred to those conversations as simple pleasantries. I never considered that fodder as the foundation of a friendship. For that reason, his comment touched me.

I used to be suspicious about comments like this. However, I have evolved. Being an attorney, even with all of its challenges, is a position of honor. However, being called someone’s friend is an even greater honor.

To whom much is given, much is required. And so, even though I didn’t consider him to be a friend, I helped him. It cost me nothing, except time. I generally minimize my kind gestures. However, I am beginning to think that these kind gestures are expressions of friendship.

Some friends call you to gossip, some party with you, and some simply wish you well from afar. However, there are some friends who show up and help you when you need them. Each type of friend plays a role. I glad that I was able to play the role that he needed when he needed it.

Apparently, I live in “Cougar Town”…

2009-09-27T20:21:00.007-04:00

The other night I watched Courtney Cox’s new show “Cougar Town”. A “cougar” is a middle aged woman who is on the prowl and tends to date much younger men. The show stays the course. Courtney plays a forty year old divorcée who is scared to be alone and is searching for love. In the first episode she takes home a guy who is in his twenties and gets to “know” him.

The show is full of clichés about the plight of older women on the dating market, middle aged men who are only interested in dating younger women, and how older women are always on the prowl. The show may only last one season, but the topic is intriguing.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher inspire women around the globe. Even though she is nearly old enough to be his mother they are married; he is hot; and they look really happy. The appearance of love tends to quiet the critics.

I don’t have to look at celebrities to understand. Two of the happiest married women that I know are married to younger men. Also, several of my single friends have aged well. When they go out they attract men who are from 25-50. I am no different. I have dated men who could be my father and those who have been quite a bit younger. One of the beauties of being in your thirties is that you can go either way.

I have never bought into stereotypes though. I date who I like. I acknowledge that when my actions fit squarely into a stereotype I draw attention and comment. However, I don’t like when people minimize my relationships by reducing them to a cliché. Accordingly, I objected to people calling my rich, older boyfriend my “Sugar Daddy” as much as I have resented people assuming that I am dating a younger man because he can bounce quarters off of his abs.

Since I have been happy with my decisions, I have endured the chiding. I blush when accused of engaging in certain activities. And, I politely decline to answer nosey questions.

I understand why people comment though. Being happy tends to draw attention.

Th truth is, dating has been the same for me since I was eighteen. A guy was attracted to me. He acted on it. I said "yes". And the relationship took off from there. I am no more on the prowl now than I was then.

That being said, I’ll continue to watch “Cougar Town”. At the end of the day, she is looking for love. And that is something that I can identify with.

A wonderful trip to San Juan...

2009-09-23T00:03:00.005-04:00

I recently returned from the most beautiful vacation in San Juan, Puerto Rico. The island is amazing. The sights, sounds, and smell of the island transported me to a more peaceful place. Me encanta!

The sun is bright. The beaches are full of white sand. And, the sky is majestic. I enjoyed the kind of vacation that makes you want to remain in paradise forever.

My enjoyment outweighed all of the sand bites that populate my body like a game of connect the dots. I am very aware that the minor annoyance of itchiness could have been the pain of a jelly fish sting that some other hotel guests encountered.

Quite frankly, the fun has overshadowed the minor inconveniences that come with travel. Instead, my mind is full of those things that make me smile. Here’s looking forward to my next vacation…

Live, love, and write...

2009-09-22T23:38:00.007-04:00

Tonight I came home from work and did something that I rarely do. I donned my jeans refreshed my makeup and went out for an adult evening.

I treated myself to a lecture. Elizabeth Gilbert, the talented author of Eat, Pray, and Love was speaking. That book was about her transformation after a divorce. She read from an upcoming book about her views on marriage. I enjoyed the event. Her writing style and her subject matter resonates with me. However, more than anything, her personal story speaks to me.

She took a journey of self-discovery and wrote a memoir that captivated women all over the world. I desperately want to write a book. I have a story within me that have yet to be told, several stories in fact.

I would write a novel but my own life fascinates me to the point of distraction.

I have loved. I have lost. I have learned the lessons. I have had the courage to take chances. And I have allowed fear to paralyze me. I realize that I have been feeling, praying, and loving my way to my best life. Someday, I will arrive.

At the end of the day, I hope that I retain a fundamental connection with my soul and that others will be inspired by my story. Stay tuned. This blog will chronicle the journey until the book comes out!

I Want That Doggie in The Window...

2009-09-14T22:54:00.009-04:00

I have a confession. Apparently, I inadvertently mislead my friends with my Facebook Profile Photo. I posted a photo of me and the cutest dog that I have ever seen. My sister told me that I am ignorant of Facebook etiquette. Apparently Profile shots are reserved for lovers and family. And, they can be used as status updates. I didn't know the rules so I just posted a picture that I liked.

Here is the truth. I don’t own this dog. I barely know her. However, I am deeply in love. I fell in love at first sight.

Her name is Myko. She is a delightful Peek-a-Poo. She is for sale at the Pet Land in Robinson Town Center. She captured my heart with her big eyes and playful demeanor. I saw her behind the glass and asked to play with her in one of the play rooms. She was as sweet as she appeared. I wanted to take her home. I was ready to get her shots and ignore the $1,300 price tag. However, I paused for a moment and that hesitation allowed doubt to seep in...

My friends pointed out that my lifestyle will not support a dog. I travel a lot. And when I’m in town I have an erratic schedule. I kill plants. Indeed, I even killed a pony palm that is supposed to be impossible to kill. For those reasons, I decided that Myko was too expensive, So, I left her at Pet Land.

Even though I did the right thing I am a little sad. I am tempted every day to go back to Pet Land and to bring her home. Even as I write this blog entry I wish that she was here and that I could play with her.

While I was with her I had forgotten that I am not a dog person. I just allowed myself the luxury of enjoying the feeling. And at times like this, I want that feeling back.

This whole thing has taught me that love can strike unexpectedly. It can be instantaneous. And it can be strong. Still, sometimes you say no to the relationship anyway because it is the right thing to do. That being said, I think that I’ll be thinking about Myko for a long time.

Maybe I should forget what my friends say and see if Myko has gone on sale? I think that I may be ready for the training, schedule re-arranging and other things. Her cute face might make it all worth it...

Then again Pittsburgh gets cold and it gets dark early. She'll need to be walked every day. And even though I love her she might just tear up my favorite shoes. Reality cannot be ignored.

For now, I’ll start with another visit. Hopefully, that will make the ache go away...

Love happens…

2009-09-13T23:29:00.005-04:00

There’s a new movie coming out called “Love Happens”. It stars Jennifer Anniston. I am sure that it is a romantic comedy in the traditional romantic comedy fashion. There’s love. There is loss. And there is love again. We love these movies because they inspire eternal hope. However, is reality that different?

Romantic hope springs eternal. Even as the divorce rate remains high. The overall marriage rate remains relatively constant. That illustrates that people continue to believe in love in spite of the break ups.

My divorcée neighbor has been on about ten dates in the past two months despite being mistreated by a couple of men that she claims to love. My sister recently traveled to Washington DC from Atlanta for a blind date even though the men in Atlanta have sometimes disappointed her. She will also have another date in New Orleans this month. Another friend plotted for some time to reunite with an old flame another state even though her last boyfriend failed to meet her expectations.

Sometimes love actually happens. And we hear about enough real life examples that we still believe.

Last night I sat next to a colleague who told me about her grand child and her fiancé—that she met on a blind date— in the same breath. Even though her first marriage ended she is getting re-married next year. A good friend is marrying a man who she met at a cook out, in another state, four years ago. She has fertilized that relationship even though distance and her friends may have said otherwise.

I have been having a great time with a guy who I met in boxing class. Who knew that exercise might inspire romance?!

Love seems to happen when you least expect it. You have to make your own decision despite what others say that you should do. After all, it is your relationship and your life.

The movies merely remind us about what we know to be true. Love, romance, acceptance—all those things that we hope for might be just around the corner, at the next cook out or at the gym. For that reason, we keep hoping. Indeed, we keeping waxing, we keep dating. We keep kissing frogs hoping to find our princes. Isn’t that the point after all? Love happens. So, you had better be ready. Here’s hoping!

More recessionary pleasures…

2009-09-13T19:04:00.002-04:00

During the boom times, I enjoyed partying in VIP like the rest of my friends. We kicked it hard in South Beach, in LA, in NYC. After work, life was a about finding the next best party. It didn’t matter whether the party was local or across the country. We would find it. And, we would kick it.

Our fun was a series of champagne wishes and caviar dreams. Even men without real money seemed to find a ways to show us a good time. It was fun and we liked it.

However, the recession crashed that party and gave us a dose of reality that we had not expected. Still, I have found that pleasures are all around. Below are some of them that I have noticed recently.

1. Walking down the street and catching the glimpse of a perfect cloud.
2. Enjoying an impromptu party with left over treats from your pantry or
refrigerator.
3. Reading a book in the park under the sun…
4. Taking a walk along the beach (or along one of the Pittsburgh rivers or
Highland Park Reservoir).
5. Sharing a bottle of wine, cheese and grapes…
6. Sitting on the patio with your favorite kissing partner…
7. Taking in a movie in the park with a group of friends…
8. Going for a drive with the windows down with the wind in your face or in a
convertible if you’re lucky…
9. Attending an outdoor festival and savoring the sights and smells…
10. Walking down the street licking an ice cream cone like you were a kid…

I cannot wait until the economy rebounds. However, I pray that I continue appreciating these inexpensive bouts of joy after the money is flowing again. They are really a lot of fun...

The Best Things in Life are Free...

2009-08-24T21:58:00.006-04:00

I have discovered that I can still experience great pleasure in these recessionary times… Lately, I have realized that the best things in life are free. Below is a list of some of my favorite things…

1. Basking in the sun. It is one of life’s greatest gifts. The sunshine has
the power to heal, energize, and seduce.
2. Gazing at the sky. Even the most skilled artist has yet to capture what I
feel when I gaze at an intense blue sky full of fluffy white clouds.
3. The smell of summer. That indescribably sweet smell— has a way of filling
my soul with hope and wonder.
4. The surprise of the wind. A powerful gust has thrilled me as it threatened
to blow my skirt up.
5. The majesty of Pittsburgh’s rivers. They captivate me every morning as I
drive to work.
6. The luxury of sleep. Napping on a weekend afternoon is a sheer indulgence.
7. A long walk. I have found that it has the power to answer most of my
questions.
8. A heartfelt hug. There have been times when hug like this has resolved my
fears.
9. Pausing. Closing my eyes and breathing deeply has calmed my spirit, even
when followed by a good cry.
10. An animal. The unexpected sight of my neighborhood rabbit has made me
giggle.
11. A long sensual kiss, for its own sake. I have learned that not all kisses
are created equally, some are truly special.
12. A phone call. My heart has leapt at the ring of my phone when someone I
love is on the other end.
13. The right words. Hearing “I love you” has made everything alright.
14. “The look”. Having someone gaze deeply into my eyes has inspired my
confidence.
15. A sunrise. Seeing the sun rise always renews my faith.

Lest you think that I have moved to Utopia. I must confess I still have some challenges at work. I feel some rage when people cut me off while driving. I get annoyed when people bump into me without saying excuse me. I sometimes covet things that I see in magazines, like Christian Louboutin shoes… I lust after the leisure life that I see played out in “Town and Country”. And, I wish that I had a personal assistant…

However, neither the frustrations nor the desires last long because I know the truth. Life’s pleasures are all around waiting to be enjoyed. I have been blessed to experience a lot of them. And, I am filled with the expectancy of experiencing them again.

The Weekend!

2009-08-22T23:00:00.004-04:00

The weekend always beats the work week, but some are better than others. This weekend has been full of relaxation, sunshine, and smiles. What could be better?!

I'd write more, but I might spoil it. So, I'll just end this piece simply.

This weekend has been divine... More deep thoughts later!

Jon and Kate, the tragedy of divorce...

2009-08-17T22:13:00.003-04:00

I watched “Jon and Kate Plus Eight” for the first time tonight and I realize why the ratings have plummeted since they announced the divorce. The show was popular because the audience believed that they were in on the joke.

Kate was so hard on Jon. She rode him all day long about the tasks he had failed to complete or did wrong. She complained about his failure to use coupons and to dress the children alike. She made the viewers believe that Jon seem was completely incompetent at all tasks. The show only worked when the audience believed that the family was united by love.

I totally get why a lot of people don't want to watch the show anymore. If you think that Kate believes the statements she seems cruel. Jon seems abused. The family seems on the brink of destruction. And there is no humor in that.

I imagine that the viewers previously felt privileged to have a private view into the intimate aspects of another family. When I watched the show tonight I felt dirty. Jon and Kate are just one more couple who couldn’t make it work. And I got to watch their family unravel. There was nothing funny about that. It’s just tragic…

Wet T-Shirts and Other Embarassing Things...

2009-08-11T21:20:00.003-04:00

In addition to the deep and the tragic, a lot of funny things happen in Chaton’s World.

Today, I inadvertently found myself on display in a wet t-shirt at the Post Office. Despite promising my life coach that I would stop procrastinating, alas I have not. So, even though I knew that I needed to go to the Post Office after work I ate dinner and watched the news instead of going straight to the Post Office. I thought that I had time for everything. And besides, I was hungry and the sun was shining.

Suddenly, it was clear that I had run out of time. Out of nowhere, it got dark, the sky opened up, and I still had to go to the Post Office. I had to pay a fine associated with another lapse in judgment—speeding in Virginia where they have the steepest penalties. The fine was due so there was no turning back. Also, the rain was coming down in sheets so an umbrella would have been futile.

So, I dashed to my car, drove to the Post Office and ran in to handle my business. Once inside I realized that I had sacrificed my modesty to avoid fines and Fed Ex charges. As soon as I entered the Post Office one of the workers began staring at me. I became aware that my chest was shouting “hello” to him and to everyone else and everyone else. When I got up to the counter, he waited on me with a smirk in his eyes, which struggled to look at mine.

Eventually, I left the Post Office with my task completed. Just in case I left some of my dignity there, I’ll buy my stamps on-line for a while…

It’s hard out there for a woman…

2009-08-06T23:46:00.009-04:00

My friends and I live well, but we aren’t immune from hardships. Over the past few weeks my friends and I have discussed being single. And sometimes, it wasn’t pretty…

Until yesterday our comments were comedic as opposed to tragic. However, yesterday things changed.

We woke up to learn that three single female Pittsburgh residents were murdered at the hands of a crazed gunman. They were killed while working out at a local LA Fitness. According to his blog, the gunman felt rejected by women. And apparently that feeling turned him into a mass murderer.

This tragedy hit us hard. We are female. We work out. And, we have rejected men. We believed that it was safer to be honest than to lead them on. This tragedy suggests otherwise...

If we let it, this tragedy could paralyze us and make us crazy. My first thought was that we should we date every guy who’s interested because a bad date beats dying any day.

I know that makes no sense. However, the tragedy makes no sense either. And when faced with a senseless tragedy pure lunacy sometimes seems rational.

It is hard to accept that we live in a world where being female can get you killed. There is no justice in that. However, there’s no peace in dating men that you aren't interested in. What lessons can we learn if we aren't willing to automatically give all men what the gunman said that he craved?

I cannot make sense of this.

It seems like the best that we can do is have faith, hope, and love. Then again, we can also pray. Prayer may not save our lives. However, it will save our souls. Hopefully, eventually, it will also help us to understand.

Being a couch potato is severely underrated...

2009-07-29T00:52:00.009-04:00

My sofa seduces me as well as any man ever has. Every night I come home with the intention of being productive in some meaningful way. However, my sofa beckons and I heed the call. It is as if I am powerless to resist its charms.

It has turned me into a bit of a couch potato. Initially, I felt guilty, but now I willingly give in. I have concluded that laziness is severely underrated. Indeed, it one of the few things that has an immediate payoff—rest!

I'm social, but sometimes there is no greater pleasure than spending the night on my sofa. It is big. It is welcoming. And it is made of the most supple leather. After a long day, it embraces me, and I give in.

After work I come home, wash my face, and put on my pajamas. Then, I go downstairs sit down and lean into my sofa. I get the kind of reassurance that I’ve been craving all day. It envelopes me in the most intimate way. It gives me a soft caress, a place to lay my head, and relief from life’s troubles.

On my sofa, I am at home. I am safe. And, I am at peace.

I’d keep writing, but I am too busy getting seduced... :-)

Michael Jackson, finally in Neverland...

2009-07-01T23:36:00.006-04:00

So much will be said about Michael Jackson over the next few weeks that I am reluctant to comment at all. Like most writers, I didn’t know him. I was just a fan. That being said, as I watch all of the tributes to Michael and listen to the music I am moved to write.

Like everyone else, I have been riveted to the television, watching endless coverage of his life. The media has been relentless in trying to dissect every aspect of his life. It seems like everyone whoever watched MTV is now an expert on Michael Jackson’s deepest desires and his demons.

It is undeniable that Michael Jackson lived a complicated life. However, one thing can’t be disputed. He was the ultimate entertainer. He gave us all that he had. However, when we had him, we loved him, but we treated him bad.

Michael grew up in front of us. And we experienced everything with him along the journey. He taught us our ABC’s. He made us dream. He made us dance. While we believed that he was more than a little off the wall, we always believed in the music. After he began to change, we judged him harshly. However, we still longed to be thrilled again.

Michael Jackson knocked us off of our feet. Every artist with potential since “Thriller” has been compared to him, but they haven’t come close. He was in a class by himself. As the ticket sales for his concert tour that was scheduled this summer indicate, we wanted him back.

He represented the best of us and the worst of us. We longed for what he made us feel. We missed the man who made us think it was OK to be dangerous. We were relieved that someone encouraged us to keep our secrets in the closet. However, we wondered what secrets he was hiding. We wanted more of the man that made us believe that we were free to love whomever we wanted whenever we wanted—because it was nobody’s business.

Michael asked us to look at ourselves and to make the world a better place. He criticized racism and made us question whether color mattered at all, even though his own skin became increasingly lighter.

His life was paradoxical. Indeed, eventually, it seemed as bizarre as it was incredible. There’s no doubt that Michael gave us cause to question a lot of things. However, at the end of the day, millions of people feel a great loss.

We are in shock. I think that it’s because for good reasons and for odd ones, Michael didn’t seem quite human. It’s as if we believed that he wouldn’t stop because he would never get enough.

Ironically, his death humanized him in a way that his life never did. Even though we all had him, he was alone. Watch the shows chronicling his life, his maturation, and the evolution of his face is incredibly sad. On earth, Michael was searching for something that he never found. Now, that he is in Neverland I hope that he has found what he was looking for.

Goodbye Michael Jackson, hello to life...

2009-07-07T20:47:00.009-04:00

As I watch Michael Jackson’s memorial service I am inhaling and exhaling slowly and deliberately. It would be convenient to say that I am doing it because of what he meant to me. However, the truth is I breathe deeply whenever I am at a funeral, hear about a plane crash, or otherwise am touched by death. The death reminds me of how fragile life is. I begin my breathing exercise instinctively. It’s as if I believe that breathing consciously will protect me somehow.

We are taught to trust our instincts. Does it then follow that we become aware of our deaths before it happens?

When I was in the hospital a couple of months ago, I once felt myself slipping away and I fought it. The feeling was probably caused by my low blood pressure. However, I was afraid that my life would be cut short and I would go too soon. I feared that going to sleep might lead to my death. I knew that I was blessed. However, I arrogantly believed that my willpower made a difference.

The media has said that Michael Jackson’s last days were full of his enthusiasm about his concert tour. He wanted to succeed so badly that he gave it everything he had. This portrayal confuses me greatly. For him to be taken in the midst of great hope makes me wonder whether willpower has anything to do with avoiding death. We all simply go when it is our time. It’s simply human nature.

So, as I watch those honoring Michael Jackson’s life at the memorial service and breathe in and breathe out, my faith is renewed. I realize don’t really need to know the date of my death. There’s nothing that I could do about it anyway. However, I need to celebrate each breath--not because it will help me avoid death, but because life is lived one breath at a time.

The Black Socialite TM: Meet "Chocolate City's" Blonde Charity Mafia

2009-06-16T22:18:00.000-04:00

The Black Socialite TM: Meet "Chocolate City's" Blonde Charity Mafia